Date: Friday, November 23, 2007
Time: 9:19 AM

In the past there was once i will die for people to put in their friend-ship "gold" class, i was never looked apon as someone worthly to look upon, but rather used by people to get things they want. i dont understand why i was so desperate for this gold class. now i understand, because lonliness is hard to bear.

In the past i get so confused and worried if my feelings are found out by that special someone, followed by the feeling of anticipation and fear.

Fear of rejection and sadness if that person were to reject me so as to accept his special someone, fear of the future that lies ahead which seem not to point in any direction at all fear of me not liking him enough to brave troubles in the relationship.

this i understand, but it is that feeling of anticipation that makes me confused, that makes me want to forget him, erase him, do anything just not to see him, but when i see him with another girl,it makes me want to cry.

is this love ?

how could i like him when i try to forget him, how can i forget him when i like him , tell him not to like me when i like him?

is that the feeling of love ?

why then do he try to communicate with me when i think he dont like me?

and why does it makes me so happy when i see a good night message from him ?

is this horrible conflict a part of it, or is this punishment for trying to run away from my feelings ?


think about it.